Potty Training in 13 Easy Steps

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 Step 1: Remind baby that if she has to pee or poop to tell me so we can go potty.

Step 2: (a little while later): Take used diaper baby is holding out while saying “Uck!”

Step 3: Take baby to the bathroom and discover she apparently tried to go to the potty herself and that’s why she took off her diaper.

Step 4: Scrub carpet in bathroom while baby sits on potty.

Step 5: With baby on potty and the door open run across the hall to the laundry room to put cleaning supplies away. Get distracted by mess and clean that up.

[Edit: Technically it wasn't a MESS. It was clothes in the dryer that were getting wrinkled because I forgot about them.]

Step 6: Upon returning to the bathroom take the handfuls of toilet paper away from baby and stuff on shelf of spacesaver for future use while muttering under my breath.

Step 7: Dig out the other half of the roll of toilet paper from the toilet with my bare hands and run to kitchen garbage while muttering not quite so under my breath. Wash hands in kitchen sink.

Step 8: Return to bathroom praying baby didn’t take the toilet paper stuffed on shelf and put THAT in the toilet.

Step 9: Send up quick thanks to Hahgwehdiyu because there’s no new mess in the bathroom.

[Edit: Hahgwehdiyu is the Iroquois creator god. I'm half-Onondaga. If you want to know more, Google him. This is now an educational post. You're welcome.]

Step 10: Walk baby to her bedroom and dress her. Chase her around the room.

Step 11: Discover (the hard way) that baby peed on her socks when she peed on the bathroom floor. Remove socks.

Step 12: Wash hands in kitchen sink.

Step 13: Repeat Steps 1-13, sigh heavily.

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Elisa Ashley (24 Posts)

Elisa writes a personal blog (ElisaAshley.com) in return for Ho-ho's and Banana Colada Fuze, ghostwrites for her daughter Abigail at The Abby Gales (www.abbyrory.blogspot.com) and also played the part of Ginger on Whisk-ers In Kitchens (www.whiskersinkitchens.wordpress.com). She resides in Alabama with her invisible friends and an unending supply of sunscreen and nail polish.