Thinking Outside The Box (A Satire)
Two of my all-time favorite sci fi movies, “Soylent Green” and “Logan’s Run”, deal with a humanity that is running out of time, space and resources. I’d love to share with you the last line of “Soylent Green”, but I don’t want to spoil it for you.
Neither of the futures envisioned in these films is a very happy one. Each is based on a nightmarishly clever solution to the problems of overcrowding and of providing sufficient food for an ever-increasing population.
I had been thinking about this, when I happened to see a taped segment of a Willard Romney comment on immigration. You must have seen it. His solution to the question was simply to let the people here illegally “self-deport” themselves back to their countries of origin.
Suddenly I had a thought of surpassing brilliance. A way to relieve the pressures of overcrowding and fears of a dwindling food supply. I know the conservatives will love this one, and the Tea Party will quite likely end up taking credit for having thought of it. And it’s so bloody simple.
You simply talk older people and invalids into committing suicide. But you don’t call it that. It will be the Society of SELF-Deportation, for the good of the many. I mean, look at all those Boomers who are in their sixties and taking up all that space, not to mention all that air, food and water. You could have a lovely going away party and then a fast, painless shot of something deadly. They could immediately hold your wake, have your funeral, cremate your remains and hand the ashes over to your loved ones. Couples could go out in double ceremonies. Just think of the savings. It would be so romantic, not to mention a cost savings, to put both lovebirds into one urn.
Why, the advertising possibilities alone are simply staggering. Oh, and all those depressed people inhaling Cymbalta, Abilify, Elavil, Prozac and Xanax, they could SELF-Deport, too. Think how much happier they’d be. We’d actually be doing them a big favor. Hey, I’m really getting into this.
There are lots of side benefits to this plan, as well. It would relieve the strain on Social Security, short and long-term. Certainly it would cut down the wait time for prescriptions at your pharmacy. It would be an absolute boon.
Well, there’s a lot to think about here. I’m going to call a few of my more out there, right-wingnut friends and see if we can get the ball rolling. I’ll see you soon. Unless, that is, you should decide to SELF-deport in the meantime. Live long and prosper. [Oops, note to selt, scratch that one.]
Tags: Cremation, Food Shortages, Funeral, humor, Logan's Run, Lovebirds, Overcrowding, Satire, Self-Deportation, Soylent Green, Tea Party, Urn