Thinking Outside The Box (A Satire)
3 
Go out in Style! (Transformationalcemetarydesign)
Two of my all-time favorite sci fi movies, “Soylent Green” and “Logan’s Run”, deal with a humanity that is running out of time, space and resources. I’d love to share with you the last line of “Soylent Green”, but I don’t want to spoil it for you.
Neither of the futures envisioned in these films is a very happy one. Each is based on a nightmarishly clever solution to the problems of overcrowding and of providing sufficient food for an ever-increasing population.
I had been thinking about this, when I happened to see a taped segment of a Willard Romney comment on immigration. You must have seen it. His solution to the question was simply to let the people here illegally “self-deport” themselves back to their countries of origin.
Suddenly I had a thought of surpassing brilliance. A way to relieve the pressures of overcrowding and fears of a dwindling food supply. I know the conservatives will love this one, and the Tea Party will quite likely end up taking credit for having thought of it. And it’s so bloody simple.
You simply talk older people and invalids into committing suicide. But you don’t call it that. It will be the Society of SELF-Deportation, for the good of the many. I mean, look at all those Boomers who are in their sixties and taking up all that space, not to mention all that air, food and water. You could have a lovely going away party and then a fast, painless shot of something deadly. They could immediately hold your wake, have your funeral, cremate your remains and hand the ashes over to your loved ones. Couples could go out in double ceremonies. Just think of the savings. It would be so romantic, not to mention a cost savings, to put both lovebirds into one urn.
Why, the advertising possibilities alone are simply staggering. Oh, and all those depressed people inhaling Cymbalta, Abilify, Elavil, Prozac and Xanax, they could SELF-Deport, too. Think how much happier they’d be. We’d actually be doing them a big favor. Hey, I’m really getting into this.
There are lots of side benefits to this plan, as well. It would relieve the strain on Social Security, short and long-term. Certainly it would cut down the wait time for prescriptions at your pharmacy. It would be an absolute boon.
Well, there’s a lot to think about here. I’m going to call a few of my more out there, right-wingnut friends and see if we can get the ball rolling. I’ll see you soon. Unless, that is, you should decide to SELF-deport in the meantime. Live long and prosper. [Oops, note to selt, scratch that one.]
Thinking Outside The Box (A Satire),
Born in a small, Illinois log cabin. No, that won't work. The pampered only child of incredibly wealthy parents. No, that doesn't fly either. Raised by French nuns after her aristocratic parents were beheaded. No, that's been done! An East Coast transplant to the Pacific Northwest, this notoriously late bloomer began her new life with a new career as a writer and blogger. She has taken to both the new location and the career move like a duck to water. Writing for Expats Post is a new adventure, and our intrepid risk-taker is diving in, feeling right at home with so many old friends.
Reached for comment she replied, "Okay, I wrote my bio, may I Please go out and play?"
We expect great, or perhaps merely more coherent, things from this writer. (Okay, that's a wrap. What a wacko!)
Tags: Cremation, Food Shortages, Funeral, humor, Logan's Run, Lovebirds, Overcrowding, Satire, Self-Deportation, Soylent Green, Tea Party, Urn
LOL Melody (self deportation) hmmmm. I remember well Logan’s run. I thought even back then when I was much younger and 40 seemed much older that it was too young of an age they had selected. I do think we should have a place where people can go when they are terminally ill, (if they choose) and have a physician help them end it. I think that is kind. We do that for our pets. I don’t feel anyone should have to suffer, but straight out offing the weak and invalid…don’t know that I would subscribe to that. Your sarcasm what a welcome refreshment this a.m. ty miss Melody.
Dani,
I know she likes Ms. … why I don’t know. I have always liked Miss as it sounds so hopeful for the future. It has to be the Cinderella complex I still have. Too many fairy tales. I think the end is coming faster than any of us realize. So in the meantime have lots of fun!
Hello Theresa, I don’t believe we have met.
Nice to meet you (virtually anyway) and thanks for the tip. I shall record it duly. 
Hi, Dani. Don’t mind me. It was just one of those silly, idle thoughts I have from time to time, but it appealed to my warped sense of humor. Also, I think I’ve warned people about my overdeveloped sense of the ridiculous. And partly I think I was still giddy over yesterday’s decision by the Supremes. By the way, if you’ve never seen “Soylent Green”, you should check it out. Hope I perked up your morning coffee break!
What in the world have you been eating? Sheesh! I thought I had nightmarish dreams and crazy mixed-up thinking and reasoning … sometimes you understand … but this takes the cake. Imagine having to be interred (ashes in urns) with your spouse. Love is one thing, but for those of us who have those occasional marital arguments, I could well imagine the romantic couple debating which side of the urn was theirs.
Well written (as always) and an intriguing point of view.
Theresa, actually this Is me having fun. As for the urn, I suppose (for a small additional charge) they could put a divider in it. And somehow I don’t feel that this is an idea that will become all that popular. Just offering an alternative solution.
Melody,
You made me so happy, twice. First, starting out talking about movies. Second, not spoiling a movie. haha….and I know that last line. And that’s all I will say about that.
Katie, I would never give away the ending of a movie. “Soylent Green” really made an impression on me. I forgot to mention that “Logan’s Run” has a more hopeful ending, but talk about going out with a bang! In the meantime, what did you think of My solution?
The government here are already making people work until they drop. With the increased state pension age people have no choice but to work into later life, even if they are not fit to do so. With my father dead, my mother receives only half the pension he paid in over the years -- if he had lived he would have collected the whole pension -- I wonder where the other half of all that pension money disappeared to, take a wild guess.
Hey, the commercial flights into space are about to happen, could soon start having ashes spread into the void..that has got to be a money maker.
I’m sorry about your mom, Garry. My own mom’s last years would have been very different, had she not had four kids helping her out.
I think that it’ll probably be a pretty expensive proposition to be buried -- or scattered -- in space, so you’re probably right. Who but we carbon-based life forms could think of a way to pollute outer space!
Well the dead are being used to heat swimming pools (sort of similar to a steam engine shoveling in coal) so it’s not all doom and gloom
Wonder if a donor card is required for this.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9101874/Minister-praises-plan-to-heat-swimming-pool-from-fires-of-crematorium.html
As Abraham Lincoln so famously said, “I laugh because I must not cry.”