There Exists The Ittie Bitties
[media-credit name="Ittie Bitties Know Your Neighborhood" align="alignleft" width="300"][/media-credit]Everyone used to be nice to the sub-human species. But of all the foolish things they could have done those big wig oil tycoons have turned the unthinkable into an all-out assault on the Ittie Bitties. The one place those Itties cherished most, the field between the big homes facing the broad street lined with trash bins on Tuesdays, and colorful trees on all days, was about to suffer a setback. See, these streets were always full of smatterings of useful large colorful papers, huge containers filled with sweet, delicious liquids, large chunks of tasty treats, cutlets. Just a massive array of objects that were used as tools and various time saving objects. After making his rounds one night, Luigi found a large bag of sweet-smelling plant leaves and decided to sit inside the ziplock for three days. When he came out, he claimed to have solved the riddle of the sphinx. Another time, our friend Barry found a gun. It took all the might of twenty Ittie Bitties, but together they were even able to pull its trigger. It sent off a warning shot to the big wigs, and the police even came out to investigate the disturbance. For years it was considered the biggest moral victory ever for the Ittie Bitties’ cause. One winter they all stayed warm in their coats made of cut fur from a squirrel found on the Larry Lindstrom channel (gutter).
Then one day, Franco went for a stroll down the broad street looking for some cellophane to make a new body shirt for his weekend plans at the club and came running back to headquarters out of breath. He ran up to the public address system used to alert the herd. “Nothin’ in the threeths, man!” he busted, letting go of control over his lisp that was a source of his social unease. “In fact, nothin’ hath fallen on our broad threet! Only threes and th th th th those giant driving mathines and environmental junkies.”
“Nothing?” wondered the audience of little people. They all ran to the curb’s edge to get a peek. Franco was right. There was nothing but long blades of grass and giant trees for as far as the little beady eyes could see. “What the hell is going on, we have lived off this decaying peace of city earth for decades and now they decide to keep it spotless?” wondered Meyer.
Meyer, the only Ittie with great reading skills, took a stroll to see what information he could find and relay back to the clan. When he returned 30 minutes later, he announced: “The big people have written a sign which says that putting good things on the street will now be expensive. End of message.”
“You can’t be theriouth,” fluttered Franco. “Time now to be big and let them know what the big brath ring really means. In modern times, ath in ancient times, change ith a neth-e-thary evil, but we weren’t countin’ on this.”
Meyer replied, “The world is so big, why must they fix what has been ruined for by scores of generations? I’m militant and I hope you all will agree that this should not be allowed.”
“Big people are a wounded bunch.” said Juan, twirling his emo bangs below his left eye. This drew many nasty looks by his peers and superiors.
All the Ittie Bitties were down for the count, depressed and loathsome. Vin, the most athletic and known schemster of the clan was busy scanning the home field they knew so well, mused, “The time for action is now and I have an idea, amigos!” All the Ittie Bitties huddled around with their hands on each others’ behinds, whispering their plan of action. It was a unity they hadn’t experienced since the UFO sighting that went largely unreported in the big people’s media in 1995. Four Itties went missing that night, never to be heard from again.
Sunday night rolled around and the Bitties, led by Meyer walked to the big people’s town and went inside the County Records office. They were relentless in accomplishing their mission, climbing in and out of filing cabinets, stomping on the keyboard keys, sliding across sheets of paper to create perfect creases and mopping the envelopes with mops until they were moist enough to be sealed. They hoisted the letters into the mailbox, then hopped up on the computer terminal and sent emails before leaving the building to return home. It was certainly a busy night.
Only days went by before various groups of big men came to the empty field the Itties once considered home, and started digging and moving debris around and stacking things on top of each other. Within weeks, the Bitties’ street was filled with all sorts of goodies to eat, drink and trade with other Ittie Bitties down the street.
“Whatta fantastic idea,” said Barry to Vin. “To sell that field to the Arab business men was a stroke of genius.”
“They’re digging a hole so deep I can see China!” wowed Luigi. “Next we can help the Ittie Bitties living down-river get their pretty oil slick back so we’ll all be warm n toasty in the winter. Those Arabs have secret admirers in us.”
Tags: audience, colorful trees, depressed, earth, environment, expats, friend barry, genius, ittie bitties, mission, oil, riddle of the sphinx, trash bins, underdog, victory, War, warning