The Writing Life:”Darker” Days
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- The Writing Life
- The Writing Life: The Beginning
- The Writing Life: Getting Down to Business
- The Writing Life: Lessons Learned
- The Writing Life: A New Millennium
- The Writing Life: A Blessing in Disguise
- The Writing Life: Finally!
- The Writing Life:”Darker” Days
- The Writing Life: Struggling For a New Idea
- The Writing Life: The Last Straw
- The Writing Life: Floundering
- The Writing Life: Opportunities and New Lessons Learned
- The Writing Life: Turning Point
- The Writing Life: Opening Doors
As the actual new Millennium began (2001) I was pretty much hard at work with my little press. I was still trying to get my literary zine together, publishing chapbooks and broadsides for various poets, and I even took to writing some book reviews (all small press stuff) for a zine out in Colorado. I was having a great time but I wasn’t really concentrating too much on my own work as much as I should have. I wrote a couple of poems here and there but the output was getting increasingly less. It was then I decided to kill the zine. It was just too time consuming and most importantly becoming way too expensive to do. I decided that I would focus on chapbooks and broadsides instead, this way, I didn’t have to worry about getting the zine out every three months (not that it ever did stay on the intended schedule). I could publish the writers I liked and take my time with it. So as I waited for submissions to come in, I decided to release another chapbook of my own, just to get things rolling.
This book, “Scrape That Violin More Darkly and Hover Like Smoke In The Air” (2001) turned out to be the best thing for me to do at that time. I cobbled together a group of heavy, dark, existential poems and printed up a little more than 100 copies and made the rounds sending it out to the small press zines for review and sending the word out to those who had bought my previous chapbooks. I sold a few but this one didn’t sell out and the reviews I had gotten from some of the zines ranged from good to perplexed. It was a very dark collection of poems, after all, mostly stream of consciousness, surrealistic things. Not the kind of thing one would read to get themselves into a good mood. But I liked it: from the stripped down cover to the “feel” of the poems inside. The remaining books I had lying around I didn’t bother to try to sell. I simply sent them out to the zines for them to possibly review it. Not many of them did.
Naturally, I went back to the novel, getting a better idea about how I wanted to write it now. Still, it was a struggle. Still, it just wasn’t coming together. The good news was that by that time I had about 270 odd pages written. The bad news was,nothing was happening and the “story”, what little there was of one, wasn’t goinganywhere. Once again, I put it aside, went back to the poems. It was the only thing I could do, really. I also read more, “studied” more writers, got introduced to a whole slew of authors I never heard of or read before (thanks to the many recommendations from my small press pals), and continuously thought about how I would proceed.
The submissions also started coming in and I got busy making a schedule for the forthcoming chapbooks I wanted to release on my tiny little press. I had done 3 or 4 already at that point, done a number of broadsides, etc and was thrilled at the prospect of putting out these little poetry books from all this unknown talent floating around the country. In the meantime, I continued to submit more of my poems to the zines and journals, following the same random method I had done before. Some were accepted, but a great many came straight back to me, again with hardly anything but the standard rejection slips. So I just got on with my life, writing as much as I could, publishing the chapbooks when I could afford to and generally just getting on with “life stuff”.
I was also still very active in music again at this point, having wound up in another band almost by accident. It wasn’t planned but it just happened that way. My love for music was still great (and still is) so I knew I couldn’t stay away from it for long. The new band was playing out very regularly and good things were starting to happen on that front too: lots of travel, lots of gigs, lots of fun.
By 2002, I wanted to put out another chapbook of my poems but this time I didn’t want to release it myself. I wanted someone else to do it this time. I put together another manuscript of about 25 poems and began sending it out everywhere I could. There weren’t any takers at all but some of the feedback I got was encouraging. I set it aside for the time being, went back to work on the novel for a bit, still struggling to make it into something, continued with my little publishing venture. The rest of that year was pretty much spent doing that and playing out with the band, which was starting to get much busier all of a sudden, with shows coming in quite frequently; recording, trying to push the CD we released in 2001, etc, making the usual rounds.
In early 2003 I spent some time in Barcelona, which was a much needed trip, a week and a half of amazing sites, amazing people, amazing food, amazing music and amazing sangria. It was an inspiring trip as well, producing a couple of poems which would make their way into the set aside poetry manuscript I was sending around. When I got home, the shit started to hit the fan with regard to the publishing venture. Having no one interested in my latest chapbook, I released it myself. This little book, “Existential Labyrinths” (2003) basically died on inception.
I did the usual 100 or so press run, sold only a few and only got one review out of it, which was more of a puzzled curiosity than anything else. Not much of a “review” really. Too bad, because I liked this little book too; but I suppose the poetry within it wasn’t really many people’s cup of tea. They were getting increasingly far out, less coherent and more experimental. I tried, that’s all I can say.
The Writing Life:"Darker" Days,
Born and raised in New York City. I am a musician/writer/painter who has poems and short stories published in about 40 magazines and journals throughout the United States, Canada and Europe and also has 12 books under his belt:
"Standing On Lorimer Street Awaiting Crucifixion" (Alpha Beat Press, 1996), "The Terror of Your Cunt is The Beauty of Your Face" (Black Spring Press, 1999), "Street Gospel Mystical Intellectual Survival Codes" (Budget Press, 2000), "Scrape That Violin More Darkly Then Hover Like Smoke In The Air" (Black Spring Press, 2001), "Existential Labyrinths" (Black Spring Press, 2003), "Window Shopping For A New Crown of Thorns" (Lulu Press, 2007), "November Rust" (Lulu Press, 2007), "My Arrival Is Marked By Illuminating Stains" (Lulu Press 2007), "A Symphony of Olives" (Propaganda Press, 2009) and "Divertimiento" (Propaganda Press, 2009). His second novel "Naderia" was released in January 2011 and his third, "Be Still and Know That I Am" (Beat Corrida) was released in September 2011.
He is also currently playing guitar and bass for NYC singer/songwriter Linda La Porte.
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Tags: broadsides, chapbook, chapbooks, collection of poems, existential poems, good mood, having a great time, literary zine, new millennium, novel, poets, scrape, stream of consciousness, submissions, violin, zines
“I tried, that’s all I can say” -- I suppose that’s one of the most important things right? Too many people get stuck in the ” Oh how I wished…” or “You know, if I would do this…”…not many buckle down and go for something they want ^_^
I just love your articles Julian!!
That’s what we have to do, TJ. I’ve always believed in being proactive when it comes to the things you want to do -- and since I “came up” through the Indie world via the punk rock days (this is how it was always done) THAT part of those years always stuck with me. I learned at a very early age that none of this is going to fall into your lap. You have to but effort into it, but always bearing in mind the reasons why you are doing it. For me, it’s always been the love of doing it. I’ve always said that I’d keep doing it, even if I only ever have three readers. I mean that.
Julian,
Thanks again for posting this series. I think you should write more about what’s happened with your writing career since this time. Knowing about how one writer creates, struggles, jumps over hurdles is always inspirational.
Thank you Katy. These posts were originally intended to play “catch up” with regard to my blog. I had reworked the entire thing to focus on my writing (whereas before it was just a hodgepodge of different things, with really no general focus). The blog itself is meant to take care of the current time. These were meant to get anyone who was interested in reading the blog “up to speed”, and to kind of give an idea about who I am and what I’d done, etc. I have no illusions, though, believe me. My feet have always been firmly grounded in reality.
I often ask myself why we, as creative people, put ourselves out there the way we do. Part of us, I think, want that “recognition.” We want others to know what we are doing and we want them to like it, of course. I’ve asked myself many times why it is we do this. My answer, so far that is, is I suppose we all want to “give back” something that was always given to us by others. It isn’t about being “famous”, at least not for me. But I suppose there a little of that in there, huh? Why else are we all so willing to publicly share what we do. It’s always been a fascinating psychology to me. We all have our goals, our ambitions and different reasons, I suppose. It’s not something I fully worked out in my own mind yet.
I AM glad that you like these posts and that you get something from them. That for me makes it worth it. I’m sure you know what I mean
This is a great series Julian,
Besides your excellent writing, one of the things I really like about this series is watching how writing as a business has changed over time through your eyes. You give me a lot of inspiration.
Thanks Julian!
Thank you so much, Dan. I’m glad you’re enjoying these. As to the “business” end of it all -- this is really a different world I’m writing about here. This is my experiences in the “Indie” world, the Small Press world, which is a whole different animal from the BIG SIX publishers, the actual PUBLISHING INDUSTRY as we all know it to be. I’m as far removed from all that as anyone, that’s for sure. I never pursued that route. I never submitted my work to big publishers, never sought out an agent, etc, though I have thought about it from time to time. But the publishing industry works very much like the music industry, which I AM very familiar with. It’s all BIG business. It’s not that it’s impossible to achieve but you have to be willing to take what comes along with it. Unless you’re a huge success right out of the box, chances are you won’t have the freedom to do what you want to do. When someone else is writing the check, they’re calling the shots, which is understandable. People forget that it’s a business and there’s a lot that goes along with that business. I never pursued that route because I’ve always been very adamant about doing what I wanted to do, the way I wanted to do it. Not that I would turn away the chance IF it ever arrives, of course. I would love to make some real money and be able to quit my job but just like in the music industry, a contract doesn’t necessarily mean economic independence. That’s one of the myths I mentioned to TJ in the comment above.
There are plusses and minuses to both roads one decides to take. The Indie route allows for absolute and total creative freedom. I can write what I want, put out what I want, design the books how I want, title them how I want, etc. No one is there to say “you can’t do that.” BUT, it’s not an easy road to take either because of anonyminity, for one; you won’t be making tons of money, secondly; and thirdly, you don’t have the huge marketing campaigns behind you and distribution that a large publisher can offer. Again, it depends on one’s ambitions. It’s a topic that can’t possibly be covered in a comment like this, but there really is no wrong way to go, in my opinion. It depends on what YOU want to achieve.
Thanks for your comments and I’m glad you’re getting something from these. It does mean a lot. Thank you.
Julian, the funny thing is I don’t even think about the “Big Business” publishing companies. I’m so wired to doing things by myself that I wouldn’t even bother with any of that. If one showed up for some strange reason with a big bag of cash with a dollar sign on it then I would happily take it. But I’m not waiting around for that. I was really referring to how self publishing has changed, I know people complain a lot about Amazon and the rest, but I kind of look at it as an opportunity for myself. It’s really a matter of educating yourself about the best way to go about doing it.
After getting hosed by “Big Business” for so many years, I’m really determined to make my own things happen.
Thanks again Julian!
Oh, I misunderstood you, forgive me. Yes, absolutely, things are changing at a rapid pace. What I think it is that people are finally figuring out what musicians & filmmakers had known for well over a decade now. Even still, there will ALWAYS be its detractors. For some reason, literature is the one realm where doing things yourself is still looked down on -- but more and more people are coming around. You’ll never change the minds of the detractors so there’s no point in trying to debate them about it -- and lord knows I hear it all the time from certain people, but I don’t care. What’s happening now is something that was always done before -- even with literature. It’s just now that “the masses” are figuring it out. The same thing happened in the music world. Many musicians were aghast that bands would release their own records. They see it as those who are so adamantly against self/indie publishing do. The usual mantra is “If you’re putting it out yourself, then that MUST mean that a “real” publisher thought it so bad that you were forced to.” Nothing could be further from the truth but that’s the perception -- and as you know, America is a “perception IS reality” society, no matter what the actual truth is.
Whenever I get confronted with that accusation, I say, “Wrong. I never even submitted the manuscript for it to BE rejected.” Ah, it’s all a bunch of crap, if you ask me. You get these types who think ALL writers are aspiring to be the “deep, intellectual author”, who’s work is going to be studied in the universities and that they desire to be at Salman Rushdie’s next cocktail party and hobnob with all the other “important” authors. That’s not my goal. I’ll gladly remain outside the club and have READERS who appreciate the books I write, know what I mean? From your comment above, I know that you do.
There’s no shame in going your own way if that’s what you want to do. Let the hand wringers and the ivory tower worry about all that. You have to wonder what these types think about a book like “50 Shades of Grey” being so immensely popular. That was a self-published book originally -- and only recently got picked up by a large publisher. Nevertheless, it’s the kind of book that the “Literati” would cringe at, I’m sure. (To be honest, it doesn’t seem like anything I’d like to read either, but I am very happy for the author’s success. She’s another example that shows that you CAN make your own way. All it takes is for something to connect, then word of mouth takes over. Naturally, after its popularity, the “real” publishers came knocking. How much you want to bet that they would have NEVER even looked twice at that book had it gone through the traditional rounds?)
But yes, things are changing, in a big way -- and that’s good for EVERYONE.