Opie for Congress! And Other Batshit Crazy News!

You may remember Art Robinson from my travel guide to Lane County Oregon. Well he’s at it again! Art, also known as Old Fart Robinson, ran for congress as a Republican a couple of years back. Art, a self proclaimed expert on nuclear waste, had stated that “a little nuclear radiation is good for you.” He lost to the incumbent Pete DeFazio. It’s election time again and the “Old Fart” will be running again but this time he has a devilish plan. Art’s plan involves his son Matthew Robinson, (with a striking resemblance to Opie Taylor) who will be running against DeFazio in the Democratic primary. Art’s plan for Republicans involves them changing party affiliation to Democratic to vote for his son. If Matthew won, then Art could run against his son instead of DeFazio. Call me nutty, but I would think any self respecting Republican would have enough integrity not to go along with such an overtly dirty plan. I can only conclude that Art thinks people are stupid. The Koch brothers, who are hell bent on having the world run by crazy people, are financing both “Old Fart’s” and “Opie’s” campaigns, so we should be seeing many, many, many, bulletin boards, Facebook ads, and magnetic signs on car doors representing these two yahoos. I’m turning green just thinking about it.

“Matt Robinson for congress, and The Andy Griffith Show.”

Speaking of green, I’m writing this on Saint Patrick’s day and there’s nothing more appropriate than a good beer, and a shot of Jameson. Well, many of our local drivers have been warming up for Saint Patty’s day by drinking a few too many pints of Guinness and crashing their cars into stationary objects. On March 5th a car slams into a house, and on March 7tha car runs into a tree, but last Thursday a drunk smashed into the Serenity Lane substance abuse treatment center. There were a couple more drivers that ran into trees and traffic poles, but running into Serenity Lane has got to take the cake. I’m guessing the driver had blurred vision and saw “Abusive Substances are a Treat,” and was just stopping in

for free samples. I’m sure all of these drivers are feeling pretty miserable right about now, and are probably out tyeing one on to drown out their misery. Telephone poles should be very afraid about now. In other Old Fart news, do you remember Harold Camping, the California preacher that hustled money from people to put up billboards all over the country proclaiming the end of the world? He predicted Christ would come and get him and other followers on May 21st of 2011. Well, the world didn’t end, and it didn’t end on his revised date either. It didn’t end on any of his revised dates. Anyway, the 90 year old preacher is giving it up and asking God for forgiveness for the sin of trying to predict Judgment day. I wonder why he bothers, as very soon he should be able to tell God personally. Ah, here is a nice piece of news. Marilyn Hagerty of North Dakota is an Internet sensation after writing a glowing review of The Olive Garden in the Grand Forks Herald. She normally reviews such fine establishments as Kentucky Fried Chicken and Subway Sandwich shops, but this time she was going for a classier establishment. She was surprised when her review went viral and stated “I don’t get it, I mean, I’m sitting here minding my own business yesterday morning, trying to get my Friday column finished off so I could play bridge. And all of the sudden, all Hell breaks loose.” I envy Marilyn, and maybe I should start reviewing big chain restaurants. I’m heading over to McDonald’s later for a McSalad. Do you think if I gave a glowing review of that dressing squeezed out of the packet my review would go viral? I can only hope. In the category of “Can you be a bigger Dumb Ass than this” news, bigamy and Facebook don’t mix. The headline read “Facebook “friend” offer reveals that man has more than one wife.” Facebook, in it’s effort to connect users through “friends” they may know, lead two Washington women to finding out that they were married to the same man. This lead to Alan L. O’Neill, a corrections officer, being slapped with bigamy charges. Wife #1 went to wife #2′s Facebook page and saw her husband with another woman and a wedding cake. BUSTED! That’s all the news I have for now. Have a great day.

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I would describe myself as a father first, and married to a wonderfully supportive spouse that works her butt off for the family. I'm also a writer, techno nerd, potter, and humorist. I always have more things to do than I have time to do them, and have many interests. View My Profile

As far as my writing goes I consider myself an observer of human nature, and a lifelong writing student.
  • http://sipsofjenandtonic.com Jen and Tonic

    I was REALLY surprised when Harold Camping came out and admitted that he was wrong about the whole end of days thing. Even more shocking was that his followers don’t seem to be upset at him. Some people supposedly spent up to 250K helping his efforts!!

    Oh, and about the Facebook thing…I worked with a girl who found out, through Facebook, that her dad had another family in another state.

    Love that you’re making this into a series!

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    • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

      Thanks Jen,

      I think the saddest part of the Harold Camping story is that people gave up their lives to follow him. I also think that the kind of person who would believe “GOD” wanted you to follow Harold Camping might believe that GOD simply changed his mind and it wasn’t Harold’s fault.

      Facebook really knows how to get people in touch with each other doesn’t it :)

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  • http://www.momsarefrommars.com Janene

    This is my kind of news recap! That Robinson business IS crazy. As for Harold Camping? I never thought I’d say this, but good for him. Hope he is sincere. Now I’m going to check out that Olive Garden review so I can get some writing tips. Ciao!

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    • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

      Hey Janene,

      The Robinson story would be more entertaining if it wasn’t happening where I live. It pisses me off that the Koch brothers are dumping millions of dollars to try and buy votes for a total whack job.

      I get a kick out of Marilyn Hagerty, I’m glad she go so much publicity. I was stationed at Grand Forks Air Force Base and remember reading the Grand Forks Herald.

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  • Cher Duncombe

    “a little nuclear radiation is good for you.” Wow, now there is some NEWS! I love this series, Dan. :)

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    • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

      Thanks Cher,

      Art Robinson also thinks because of the beneficial health effects we should put nuclear waste into the foundations of our homes. Hey we should just bake it into cookies and let girl scouts sell them, what the hell.

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  • http://www.tiredofpreviews.com Katy Kern

    Dan -- your groupies are happy. Can’t wait for the next one in this series. :-)

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    • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

      Hey Katy,

      Fortunately for me people will supply me with endless material :D

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  • http://thetrumpetsummons.blogspot.com/ Larry Conley

    Dan,

    I am just crazy about insanity! At least the varieties you write about. The insanity I often comment on is of a different and far nastier ilk.

    Good luck with that restaurant review!

    Larry

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    • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

      Larry, after talking to my boys they opted for a Carl’s Jr. I decided on a McCarl’s Salad with mystery dressing from a packet. It was edible but who knows exactly what I ate. One of my boys had chicken strips, and we ordered a Chicken stars kids meal for the youngest. They seemed fairly happy with their lunch even with a free toy Snafu that we got sorted out. I would have been much happier across the street at Cafe Yumm!.

      I think the Robinsons would fit nicely into one of your articles Larry considering the very, very, nasty sources of all of their money. Here is an Interview Here is an interview Rachel Maddow had with Art on her show a few years back.

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