Love, Doggie-Style

Internet porn took a new turn when a friend of mine clued me into the latest in sex toys. This time, the dogs have their day.

Yes, friends, there is now a sexual aid for the randy canine. It’s called the Hotdoll and is intended to help a pooch get it’s rocks off somewhere other than your leg. Shaped like a dog, it is made of durable rubber (dishwasher safe?) and designed for easy mounting with skid-proof paws that provide ample stability. Sadly, since there is evidently more of a focus on male sexuality of all species, the Hotdoll is made strong enough for a man-dog. Most disturbing of all is the little hole at the back which essentially makes the doll little more than a depository for your dog’s DNA. It makes me more than a little nervous that someone will be giving it a test-run before turning it over to their furry friend.

Considering we have seemingly exhausted all possible focus on human pleasures, this seems like the natural progression. I say, have at it. My mini-dachshund will be disappointed that there isn’t a model for the bitches (females like to do the humpty dance, too) but perhaps I can get it for her anyway and let her experiment with her orientation. The item got me thinking about what a vast market there is yet to be tapped into in the realm of doggie sexuality. I can just see a specialty shop opening up in the Village for all those hot dogs, selling items such as:

*Dogagra: For when Cujo has lost his mojo.
*Test-Tickles: Prosthetic doggie testicles for the neutered dog, to put the “swing” back in his step.
*Canine Condoms: Safe sex for all species! Also available in flavors such as peanut butter, liver or chicken.
*Hung Hound: Natural male enhancement for dogs plagued with a tiny willy.
*Fido Dildos: Females get in on the action with models called “The Lipstick”, “Red Rocket” and “The Bone”.
*Butch Bitch: Tiny leather outfits for the hard-core hound.
*Mutt Muzzles: Taking canine aggression to a whole other level, this muzzle comes equipped with a tiny tennis ball-gag.
*Bowwow Brazilians: Why should your neighbor’s bushes be the only ones a dog focuses on? All dogs love manicured landscaping!
*The Doggy-Paddle: S&M for strays.
*Kibble Clamps: Specially designed to fit all eight nipples.
*Flea Bags: For when your female has that “not-so-fresh” feeling. Available in vinegar and toilet-water formula.

Cheers to canine carnal pleasures! Now…Who’s your doggy????

http://www.hotdollfordog.com/contenu.php?id_contenu=9&lang=2

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Love, Doggie-Style, 10.0 out of 10 based on 5 ratings
Posted in: Creative
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About the Author:

Savage Lettuce (aka: Rebecca Ash) is a gypsy freelance writer whose gender was, for years, the topic of much speculation. After getting groped on the subway, it was determined that she was of the female persuasion and had a "nice rack". She continues to break the barriers of gender specific narrative mostly through the use of completely inappropriate and bizarre humor, twisted subject matter, and wearing a cod piece as a fascinator. When not writing, she enjoys dance, collecting shoes, slug racing and anthropomorphizing her mini dachshunds and pet pig.
  • http://www.firkroy.blogspot.com/ Dan LaFollette

    This is over the top funny! 😀

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  • http://tjlubrano.blogspot.com/ TJ Lubrano

    Hahahah too funny Rebecca!!

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  • http://thetrumpetsummons.blogspot.com/ Larry Conley

    Rebecca,

    I was finally able to stop laughing sufficiently to comment.

    Dare I say, “You dog, you!”

    I own a beautiful young Sheltie named Shiloh. From this point onward, I will have to carefully scrutinize any males who approach her at the obedience and agility class sessions.

    Those whore hounds can stay away from my little princess! I know [now] how their minds work.

    Larry

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  • Cher Duncombe

    You are killer funny! “*Hung Hound: Natural male enhancement for dogs plagued with a tiny willy.” I have never been so happy that my dog is spayed!

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  • http://sipsofjenandtonic.com Jen and Tonic

    This was the first article I ever read of yours on that other site, and I had two reactions: (1) Holy crap that was the funniest things I’ve read in a long time and (2) How can I get this Simon fellow out of the picture and make her my bride?

    Still so funny even though I’ve read this a number of times.

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    • http://savagelettuce-thesavageland.blogspot.com/ Savage Lettuce

      My heart has always been reserved for Jen & Tonic!!! :)

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