I Am Fucked No More
Bill Friday | Expats PostEpiphany in my time of greatest need
that the shit on which I feed no longer satisfies my empty beggars gut
as it once did
I am whole within myself
and no sorry-ass opinion of my well-chronicled condition
matters now or in the future
as it once did
like before
I’m telling all
from now on
broken gone
I am fucked no more.
Guarantee of time is a cruel lie
a hate crime against the stupid and the desperate
against me
against yourself
There is now and there is now
yesterday is dead
tomorrow deader
move or be consumed
buried and exhumed and killed again
like before
I’m holding nothing back
from now on
broken gone
I am fucked no more.
To see my end as a beginning
like the blind see darkness clearer in the gray
never once did
till today
No peace no tears no closure
no release from guilt or shame
only what is built on bones that stand
and do not crumble
like before
I’m letting go
from now on
broken gone
I am fucked no more.
Story done and over but unfinished
most or more than that
left unsaid
as it should be
till accounts are closed
till I’m dead
Till then unsatisfied
my fulfillment never closer
never clearer
one day said
Victory won
from now on
broken gone
I am fucked no more.
Copyright © 2012 Bill Friday
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Posted by Bill Friday
on February 3, 2012. Filed under Columns, Creative, Expats Post, Friday On Friday, Poetry.
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About Bill FridayBlogger, screenwriter, bloody awful poet. A writer of too many beginnings, and not enough endings. View My Profile
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An oddly wonderfully beautifully thought out message of hope, I hope, but this is also one of those that deserves more reading. Very well done.
You just gave me a new mantra, Bill. Unfortunately, it’s not one I can say out loud in front of the kids.
A NEW mantra? I wonder what the OLD Mantra thinks about this
And thank you Janene for whispering my words over and over to yourself as you go throughout your day. Just don’t let anyone (especially the kids) see your lips move.
Fucking A!
Isn’t it nice to jump ship before it completely sinks?
Maybe. Even better if you have somewhere to land. Better still if you don’t land alone.
Inspired and inspiring! I’m new and looking forward to reading more of your stuff. I haven’t been on my poetry game in a while and welcome the inspiration.
Anya,
I’m glad you saw this as both inspired, and inspiring. That makes my reason for writing it in the first place doubly exciting… and inspiring… right back in my direction. Thank you.
Bill, do you get chilly when you get naked in public like this? I read your words and search for clues to what you are really saying, but I’ll never know. I can only guess at the depths you plumbed to discover and formulate these thoughts. In the meantime, I take what I have learned from the experience and weave it into the tapestry of understanding I am creating. Your poem is powerful, hard-hitting and moving, and my life would be less without it.
Yes Melody, I do feel a cold wind twixt my nethers when I write like this, but that’s okay, it’s plenty warm in the depths where these thoughts come from.
And your closing comments are beyond special. Thank you.