Help Me Mr. Wizard!
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[/media-credit]Every one of us has an area of interest that is completely foreign to other people. Sometimes we are taken aback when we see people dabbling in our area of expertise, and we see them doing it in an utterly bad way. We want to reach out to them and slap them around a bit and then say. “Come under my wing, and I will guide you.” But other times you just want to run away, and run away as fast as we can!
I’m always looking at the next new technology thing coming down the road; I compulsively read articles on trends, and try to figure out how I can play with new and different technologies so I can learn about them. It’s a compulsion; it’s just the way that my brain is wired. I’m especially drawn to computers, and have been since about 1980. My brain is packed full of information about computers and related stuff. I could probably use a trash can icon in my head so I could empty some of the old information because it just keep piling up, and up, and up. Like a balloon filling with air, and if it gets too full it could POP! Lately I think my computer information may have even hogged some of the room that is reserved for Star Trek facts, and that’s just unfair. There are dangers with retaining this knowledge, and an event could occur that is so profound it could send me spinning off into insanity! Yesterday, one of those event happened. Is this the end?
Recently my wife had Carroll -one of her friends- stop by. She hadn’t seen Carroll in some time, and Carroll just wanted to share some information about a beekeeping demonstration happening the next day. They both share the love of chicken raising and bee keeping which I have reserved very little space in my brain for. I like scrambled eggs, and honey in my tea, but that’s as far as it goes. But before Carroll left she asked if she could have the flier back with the bee keeping demonstration information, and that she only had one copy.
“Sure,” I said, “but first let me scan it, it will only take a minute”
“Wow, you can do that?” she said as she looked at me with amazement. I could see a thought bubble over her head forming that read “Gee, you must be a wizard.”
“Well, yes I can scan it, just give me another 30 seconds and I’ll give your paper back to you.”
After the brief visit I commented to my wife about the scanning, and told her that all I did was scan the flier. Then my wife told me a story, it was a story of madness, a story that would bring any sane computer nerd to crazy land. The story left me with my mouth wide open, and I think I ate a fly.
Carroll shared that she was shocked to hear that Encyclopedia Britannica would stop printing, and that she beseeched her husband to buy a set before it was too late. But alas her tight wad hubby wouldn’t do it. He instead forked out big bucks to purchase a new MAC computer. A smart move I thought after remembering about the computer issues they had in the past with their PC. MACs are good machines, and harder to screw up for complete neophytes. And the Encyclopedia Britannica can’t even come close to competing with the internet.
But the real story is that Carroll had started writing articles about classical music. Good for her, I thought to myself. But that is where the weirdness began. Carol isn’t using her new MAC to write these articles. According to Carroll her husband wouldn’t let her buy a printer, so she drives to the library and works on her articles there. Carroll writes her articles using the word processor on the library’s computer, and then prints out her work when she leaves. If she doesn’t have time to finish she then re-types the entire document from the printout she’s made from her last visit and then continues on. She is using printouts as a memory stick for her work.
Apparently the new MAC that they purchased came with a memory stick, but she doesn’t know how to use it. Carroll is saving her printouts to one day send them into a magazine with the hopes that they will get published.
Little pops could be heard inside of my head, I could feel neurons committing suicide, others were maniacally giggling, and some were sitting in a corner sucking their thumbs, while rocking back and forth. Am I now insane? Would I recognize my own insanity is I was insane? Are those worms that I now feel on the inside my brain? “AAAAaaaaaaaaa!” Oh it’s only Tom Petty playing on Pandora “AAAAaaaaaaaaa!”
Carroll’s husband works for the local newspaper, and by some miracle still has a job. I think they are both a bit insane to be trying to turn back the clock to a time when everything we read was printed on paper. I’m sure this is their way of trying to fight off technology so her husband keeps his job. And I’m sure this all makes perfect sense in their insane world, but the technology genie is out of the bottle. We are not going to start buying more newspapers, buying more books at Barns and Noble, and start using phone books again. When a phone book is dropped on my doorstep, I pick it up and immediately shove it in the recycle bin.
I have to give Carroll some credit because she said she had asked her husband to contact me for help, but she said he didn’t want to. But I was in the next room when she visited and she could have asked me how to use a memory stick in person, so this isn’t really all about him. I’m sure all of this has as much to do with their kooky relationship with each other as it does with their relationship with computers.
I just try and keep kooky at arm’s length. I wonder, do they make spray on Teflon for the brain? You know something that wouldn’t let craziness stick. Nutty thoughts from others would just slide off your brain like a fried egg in a frying pan commercial. Or maybe spray on super ball coating, then nuttiness would just bounce off. I guess until they invent such a thing I’m just going to have to resist saying out loud “Can you be any more ignorant!” when I hear that someone is using a stack of paper as a memory stick, and happily doing it.
Have a great day.
Help Me Mr. Wizard!,
I would describe myself as a father first, and married to a wonderfully supportive spouse that works her butt off for the family. I'm also a writer, techno nerd, and humorist. I always have more things to do than I have time to do them, and have many interests. View My Profile
As far as my writing goes I consider myself an observer of human nature, and a lifelong writing student.
Tags: computer, computers, Dan LaFollette, Firkroy, flash memory, MAC, memory stick, Wizard
Yikes! I can’t remember the last time I submitted something in print. Her system sounds more than a little archaic. I can understand why you shook your head!
Janene my question is, does anyone still accept submissions via a stack of dead tree chunks? Do they deliver rejection notices via pterodactyl signed by Barney Rubble? Yaba daba dooo, we reject you!
Dan,
When you moved into you current residence, not merely the house, but the locale, did you survey for colorful characters?
If not, talk about serendipity!
More hilarity from the master of the medium.
Thanks,
Larry
Thanks Larry!
I remember the check list we had when we were driving around with the Realtor.
Crazy crap in the front of neighbors yard… check.
Neighborhood has nutty vibe… check.
Car with rock wheels… check.
Actually I think most of them have simply started slipping into craziness, or their homes were built on ancient burial grounds. I think I may have mentioned that the squirrels around here are somewhat supernatural, and do funny dances around clumps of mushrooms. Of course maybe everyone else is sane and I’m the insane one. I’m sure there is a little white pill out there someplace with my name on it.
Oh Dan! I laughed so hard reading this. I am NOWHERE near a techy person, as you well know
(I killed my blog one day and Wizard Dan flew in for the rescue -- thanks again for the help) -- But even I wouldn’t want to type and retype because I didn’t know how to use a memory stick…although it took me a few extra minutes trying to show my son how to save his documents last week…a few too extra minutes…
Oh the insanity!
Katy,
I think that when I heard this story all I could do was imagine her wearing a bear skin and chiseling out her articles on a rock, as the Flinstones theme song was playing in the background. It’s much better that I hadn’t heard their conversation because I would have had a difficult time not sounding condescending.
I hope she gets something out of her exercise in creative writing, but she needs to be introduced to Mr. Memory Stick, Mr. Save Your Writing In Digital, and some articles on how to get anything published in our almost Jetsons kind of world. I wonder what she is going to do if someone asks her to email her work to them, or post it on their website. It will be interesting to hear how this goes.
WHAT?! OHMIGOD. I AM GOING INTO AN ALL CAPS RAGE RIGHT NOW!!
I am really surprised at how far behind technology some people are. I know many people rest on the “it wasn’t a part of my generation” thing, but this story just baffles the mind.
Now calm down Jen
There are a few factors going on with this person, and I would have to say it’s about 20% technology, 50% her craziness, and 30% her husband’s craziness. Here is the kicker, this is what she spends most of her time on when her kids are in school. What I need is a another crazy person that I could pay to explain to her how the world actually works.
I suppose we all have our own realities.
and of course there was that study released this week that about 20% (or was it 25%?) of the population uses none of these so-called technologies to begin with…
too funny!
Hey Samuel,
I think shunning technology is fine, it’s craziness that makes my head spin. Why spend a thousand + dollars for a MAC and then use it as a door stop, and why use the library’s computer as a typewriter. It seems to me they could have saved a lot of money if they would have simply purchased a nice typewriter to begin with. You can actually still buy new ones, I looked them up on Amazon. And if you have a goal of getting your writing seen by others then it would be a good idea to explore how to do that in the 21st century before you spend huge amounts of time doing something futile.
But what the hell, it’s none of my business anyway
Dan, I just don’t understand people who are afraid of new technology! I’m not afraid of it, but lately it takes a little longer for me to figure things out. Thank goodness I have a son who can fix anything, and has built several computers. If I have an issue, I call him. He just gave me his “old” computer for my studio, and of course I needed another printer, so I bought an HP for $79 at Office Max. Works like a charm!! AND I hooked it up all by myself!!
Like you, I frequently ask, in my head, “Could you be more stupid?” when another artist or a golfing friend asks me something about the computer.
I am very interested in medical science, and have been all my life. These days, when my aging friends have medical issues, one will always say, “Ask Judie. She used to be in the medical field.” They could have said, “Ask Judie, She actually reads things besides novels and Dear Abby.”
I loved this post, Dan! I just posted my Saturday Centus, so if you have time, check it out! It is very short.
Thanks Judie!
I think technology is a pain in the arse for most people. The challenge for most of the companies making this stuff is what are our customer’s expectations. Well at least 80% of their customers, then the rest of what they think about is how to make this quarter’s numbers.
What amazes me is how people just throw their money around on things without really understanding what they are buying. I spent a good week researching laptops before I purchased the one I’m using to write this, mainly because I’m obsessive about my things, and I’m crazy like everyone else in the world. But if I were going to embark on some huge time suck of a project, I would spend a little time figuring out if it was a worthwhile use of my time. When I view my subject of this piece I see a person who did none of this and ran with her assumption of how the world works. now that IS crazy.
I’ll check out your Saturday Centus today