An Exit in Melancholy
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painting by Cher Duncombe
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another!”~~Gail Sheehy
I loved the novel by Gail Sheehy entitled Passages. It’s been years since I read it but even when I was younger, it had a huge impact on me. Life is filled with passages. The trick is to recognize when the time has arrived for us to enter a new one and to be willing to follow the paths of life in different directions. And so it was that I decided to stop blogging and explore other facets of life. This was not done without melancholy.
During my life passage of blogging I made many friends whom I cherish. I once read that we change a bit with every new person we meet. I believe that to be true, and especially so with fellow writers at Expats. There have been times when I have had fits of laughter while sitting at this computer chatting with Expats, both on this site and on Facebook. My husband would hear me and say, “Now what?” I would launch into, “It’s Jen again. She is wit and wisdom on steroids!” And with tears streaming down my face and still laughing, I would exclaim, “Garry Crystal is wickedly funny!” Many times I have sighed, “Ah, look at the new illustration by TJ. Isn’t she amazing?” Every writer and contributor here has had a positive impact on me. Perhaps that gave me the courage to leave. As much as it sounds like a dichotomy, this kind of fellowship gives one strength to move about the universe and explore.
Leaving was not without a certain melancholy. I wondered whether I would lose touch with people with whom I had shared so much. Yes, probably we would lose touch, yet the electric force of people I met along the blogging passage will stay with me, just as Julian Gallo’s book Naderia will remain in my bookcase as a reminder of what great writing can be.
My journey as a writer has been fun. Now I want to do other things and as the Autumn of my life experiences a Spring revival, I have begun painting. The self-portrait shown here is indicative of the angst I was feeling, but there is a part of me that still wants to be creative. For now painting seems to provide that new outlet. It does not matter whether I am good; it only matters that I savor the moments and enjoy the passage.
Aside from loving the sight of brushes and tubes of paints now scattered about in my office-turned-studio, I want to travel. In July we are attending what promises to be a lavish family wedding in Dallas. In the Fall my youngest son is getting married, and somewhere in between we are taking a trip to my beloved Cape May. Sprinkled into the mix are scheduled visits with relatives and friends from across the country. Perhaps most importantly are the extended visits with our children.
The first article I posted on Expats was a video of my granddaughter Emily singing “You Are My Sunshine” with my daughter. Cheesy, I know. But this was a song I had sung to my children and to know that they carried on this small tradition was heart-warming. It is one of those moments in my life passage. Emily is now hospitalized and had nodes removed from her larynx. They are running tests to determine whether…well, I cannot even type the word. We hope for the best; stand by one another as a family, and ask for your prayers. She is two years old.
Part of my heart remains with Expats and has love for each of you. As you reach milestones, I will cheer for you. As you change directions and enter new phases in your own life passages, I will mentally hold your hand. Always, always, there will be a tinge of melancholy, but what a great ride this has been!
An Exit in Melancholy,
Someone once told me, “Used-to-be’s don’t count.” I have pondered this often and find that they do count. We are the sum of our life experiences.
I used to be an English and Speech teacher. There will always be a part of me that wants to teach. I used to be an Investigator, first for the government and later in my own private investigations business.
I will always probe beneath the surface of issues and people, looking for the gem-like quality hidden in the text of words and personae. Today I am a writer and all of the used-to-be’s are part of the continuum of this journey.
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Tags: autumn of my life, bookcase, contributor, courage, dean walker, dichotomy, facets, fellow writers, gail sheehy, garry crystal, illustration, journey, julian, julian gallo, Katy Kern, laughter, melancholy, novel, passages, paths of life, sense of humor, steroids, TJ Lubrano, wit and wisdom
Cher, Thanks for publishing this piece. With great love and resprect I wish you and your family all the best. Take Care
Dean, you will always have my deepest respect for having not only great intelligence, but integrity beyond measure. Quite simply, I love you, and I will be watching as your star rises to the fulfillment of all the promise your life holds.
Dean, having listened to your Expats Radio show today with Dan, I thank you so much for your generous sentiments. I cannot express how deeply I was moved. For once I am at a loss for words, but I will hold you in my heart always.
Sweet Cher! Reading your article today made me so happy. You only know when it’s time to move into a new chapter in your life. And yes, I still miss you on the web, but you’re still there, just an e-mail away. I absolutely love that you picked up painting again
But you knew that already haha. Keep on creating, keep on throwing around paint as the feelings you will capture in it will be felt by the ones who see it. That’s the most important thing as it makes the piece come alive.
Have lots of fun on your travels and my thoughts and prayers are with little Emily as well. Every bit of positive vibes has to help right? Lots of Love to you! Xoxoxoxo <3
My Sweet TJ,
Please know that you are ever-present in my life. A cupcake painting of yours is framed and proudly representing you on my kitchen counter! Others are scattered throughout the house, and each one makes me smile as I think of you. “Just an email away…!” Always. A gazillion hugs to you. You are precious to all who know you.
YES! Cupcake Madness!! I’ll never ever forget it
I was wearing your sweater the other day. You are always, always here as well! xoxo
Sweet TJ, did you know that there are virtual hugs sewn into that sweater I gave you? When you wear it, no matter how you are feeling, always feel the warmth of hugs from me and know that you are wrapped in love.
You have given a lot of inspiration and encouragement Cher, to everyone here and i’m sure in your own life as well. I know you are spending more time on other things but I hope you make an appearance and write something here now and again. I hope your granddaughter makes a full recovery soon.
And I want that painting
Garry Crystal, Garry Crystal. Why is it that when I think of you, I always say your name twice? Maybe because in this past year I have gotten to know you so much more. I always knew you were a brilliant writer, but that sense of humor you possess was a sweet surprise! I think of times that one or the other of us would start a mindless thread on Facebook and it would go back and forth with others jumping in for over 125 comments! Your quips had me laughing till I cried.
You are dynamic and despite what you may think, you are totally unforgettable.
Oh…the painting. Rich has dibs on that, sorry. One day, though, you may get a surprise package in the mail that is wrapped in hugs.
Cher I always think my Facebook threads are deeply intellectual and then realise they are just the ramblings of a madman but there were some funny ones when everyone jumped in.
Say my name twice only, if you say it three times in front of a mirror who knows what will happen
Garry Crystal, Garry Crystal! Notice how I stopped? My daughter scared herself spitless once at a sleepover when she was a child and the girls did that “Bloody Mary” thing.
Your FB threads do start out as “deeply intellectual,” but you are almost always responsible for them turning hilarious! It’s a gift, Garry. Own it.
Oh oh if you say it three times one gets fuzzy…brows?
And jazz hands
And coffee beans in the nose? PERFECT! Now…Cher will say it without any hesitation
This…is why I loved those FB threads! The two of you together make a lethally funny threat to all the seriousness we wish to avoid. I hope you are still weaving those threads, TJ and Garry Crystal, Garry Crystal. They make life worthwhile! “Coffee beans in the nose?” Hah! See?
I am terrible at saying goodbyes. Always been that way. In fact, when you mention Cape May, I used to visit there during our yearly summer trips to Avalon. At the end of those vacations I would turn into a moody mess.
However, knowing you over this past year has been a gift. Your words of encouragement and your friendship kept me going many times. Being the age I am now, I understand that everyone must follow their own hearts and I am not as moody about it. So, with a smile
I say enjoy the next phase of your journey, Cher.
And I wish Emily a speedy recovery and good thoughts that she is healthy.
Good luck, enjoy your travels, and don’t forget to go to the movies
Dear Katy,
You are an amazing woman, one who provides inspiration to all who know you and the problems you have surmounted with absolute grace. I have watched your growth as a writer and have been thrilled to see you become completely stellar! Every time I watch a Netflix film or see a film at a theater, I wonder what you would think about it. That is your high impact and that will never change for me.
It’s ironic, but the last trip to Cape May left me in a “moody mess” as well. I longed for it as soon as we left. So in September, one day you may feel a pleasant breeze that carries a whisper to you from me saying, “I’m thinking of you, Katy, and wishing you joy.”
I feel like the caboose on the Cher wagon. I’ve known you a few years, but barely know you. You have always chimed in to me wherever I was and encouraged, laughed and uplifted. Perhaps the fault for not being closer friends lies with me. I have recently discovered how much my social skills have degenerated by being always at home and generally alone.
I didn’t think I’d see you again here and have spent the past week or two missing you. I wish you all the best in your new glamorous paint-spattered sunshine filled life. Your absence is another hole in the Swiss cheese of my heart.
I’m sending more positive energy to your family and little Emily. Abigail is two and I cannot imagine. Every day I am thankful she seems to be healthy. I love you and I miss you.
Dear Elisa,
Okay, now you’ve done it. The tears are falling in gratitude mixed with that melancholy I spoke of. Your “social skills” are wonderful! You make us laugh, give us pause to think, and make us laugh again. What a gift you have! Part of the fun of blogging was meeting and following new people who became friends, not faux friends, but real friends who are there for each other. I am so grateful that we had that opportunity. And as I told TJ, and will tell everyone…I am just an email away.
Enjoy this time with your little ones. It goes by far too quickly. I love you sweet girl.
Cher,
Of course I wish you nothing but the absolute best you so richly deserve. I must admit, however, to a genuine sorrow at your decision to pursue other interests.
I am as confident as I have ever been about anything that painting has gained a new and rising star even as blogging has lost one.
Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, for me you will always be CHERished!
As ever,
Larry
My dear friend Larry,
You…are just a phone call away! I think we should plan another dinner, the four of us, before summer ends. That way you can bring me up to speed on all that is happening. I should tell you that I rarely watch the news anymore. I rationalize that by thinking I gave my all during the last election. The current political season makes me sad and at times, angry. I just don’t have time for that now. Besides, I know that you, Dean and Mantra are out there fighting the good fight. I expect you to maintain!
The first time you used the term “CHERished,” you took me by sweet surprise and became totally endeared to me. I will never forget you for that and for the honorable approach you take to every issue. So look into my crystal computer screen. That’s me making the gesture, “Call me!”
My CHERished Friend,
I completely understand you disenchantment with the state of American politics.
I completely concur that we should have a reunion in the late summer. I will talk with Nancy and get back to you.
We picked the place last time, so you and Rich are welcome to make the call this time.
We must keep in some contact because there is so much less sunshine when you are gone.
Always,
Larry
Larry, yes a reunion later this summer, and this is not one of those, “Let’s do lunch sometime” things! When I think of Nancy I always think of the Sinatra classic, “Nancy With the Laughing Face.” Your Nancy has a charm that is engaging and she laughs with an ease that melts the heart. I dearly look forward to seeing you both again. And…I need my dose of your “sunshine.”
Hi Cher! So sad to see you go but at the same time am happy for you with regard to your new adventures. You’ve always been very supportive -- not only of me, but of everyone here, and that will always be cherished. As Dean said today on the Expats Radio show, you will always be a part of the family. Best of luck with all your new endeavors. The comments above are a testament to how much you are appreciated and loved.
Julian, perhaps there is a part of me that longs for the travels and adventures you write about but I have not had time to experience. When you have written about your travels, it has been enticing and let’s face it—my clock is ticking!
Thank you for sharing your writing skills with all of us. You are a joy and I will miss you, along with the others. Take care and may your adventures and writing continue to be a vicarious pleasure for us all.
Cher,
Though we’ve only known each other a short time, you quickly became one of my most treasured blogging friends. Though I’ll miss you, I truly understand and commend your reasons for embracing the reality of the physical. I think true happiness lies there. Many hugs and much love to you!
Janene, you are truly delightful as a person and as a writer. You have a unique and witty perspective on life that is direly needed these days. One of my regrets will always be not knowing you longer. That said, I embrace the time we had together and thank you for being such a sweet friend.
I so appreciate the fact that you understand my need to move on to a new phase. I’m not certain that some would, but as I said in the article, “The trick is to recognize when the time has arrived for us to enter a new one and to be willing to follow the paths of life in different directions.” Without being fully able to articulate it, I know that this is my time to take a new road. Much love and many, many hugs to you!
Well it seems I am late to the party Cher, I don’t know how this skipped by me. I can only say I wish I had gotten the chance to know you better. Your delightful encouragement meant a lot to me, and I know it has to others. Thank you so much for tweeting my first article, it made my heart smile. I wish you every happiness as you make your way along this next path. Sending positive energy for your granddaughter. Big hugs..
hmmm I tried to edit my comment… but I am not sure what happened. lol Anyway I forgot to to say exceptionally beautiful and magnetic I think your painting is Cher. So so intriguing it just pulls you in.
Love it.
Dear sweet Dani,
In the brief time we had together here, I came to love your writing, especially on Expats Poetry. You truly have a gift for the written word and I hope you continue to write from “The Heart”!
Thank you for your kind words and for your encouragement! You are a special person, Dani. I hope you know that.
I will think of you often and read your beautiful writing as often as I can too. Take care, sweetheart. You are a gem.
Dearest Cher, what a shock to see you missing from Twitter and then to realise that your blog has been deleted! But then I read this post and I’m absolutely happy for you. It sounds like you have a truly exciting time up ahead and that is fantastic. I wish you all the best and thank you for your never-ending support and friendship in the past 4 years.
Dear, dear Emm,
You passion for issues which are suffered by so many is immeasurable in its importance. It is your calling and you serve all those victims by the force of your words. Be well, my friend, and fight the good fight. You have been a treasure to me and have my unending admiration.