A Note to the Judgmental Body-Shamers

lUhFq1471358136It’s the people who are openly judging others who have the problem, but they, sadly, cannot see it.

A few days ago I spoke to a friend on Facebook who said that she was due to visit her father later in the week, but was already dreading the visit.

She hadn’t seen him in a few months but knew that the visit would include comments from her father about her weight and then perhaps some additional comments about his beautiful, slim step-daughters. I replied that I hoped the visit went well and that kicking her father’s arse, should he feel the need to make any comments, was always an option.

A few days later, after her visit, my friend posted on Facebook without naming who the post was directed at. It seemed that the father, who is in his late sixties, couldn’t resist the temptation of pointing out what he perceived to be his daughter’s flaws – in others words, he was the same judgmental arsehole as always.

Instead of feeling hurt and self-conscious – and I’m sure she probably still did feel this way – my friend decided to apply some positivity to the situation, which is one of the best ways to take away the power that this type of judgmental bully has over others.

I’m not trying to shame her father, he won’t know this is about him, and his daughter might never summon up the courage it takes to tell him how hurtful his words have been to her over the years.

And I’m not going to go into a big spiel about how this type of judgmental person is simply exposing their own insecurities and revealing the completely shallow way in which they view the world. I’ll just place my friend’s post below in the hope that people who have to endure this type of harassment realize that it’s the people who are openly judging others who have the problem, but they, sadly, cannot see it.


“I wonder why people need to label me fat and judge me negatively for it? Is it because you’re jealous of my amazing muffin top that my daughter thinks is the best pillow ever, or my chunky bum that I can shake and wobble brilliantly to music? Or is it just that you’re jealous I can scoff a 12″ pizza all to myself and still want pudding? Whatever the reason do you know how shallow and ill-informed you are?

“I am not fat. I am a person who is overweight. I am also a person who is a great mummy, a loving daughter, a good friend, a successful career woman and someone with many qualities you can only dream of possessing. If you looked past the lumps, bumps and rolls you might notice that I’m really not as grotesque as you think, and that often people even call me pretty. But you are too consumed with your bigoted beliefs and shallow opinions of what an overweight person must be.

“My weight does not define me, it’s a tiny percentage of who I am. IF I decide to lose weight it will be WHEN I want and HOW I want. Not from your comments and judgements. And now that I’ve finished being a keyboard warrior, I’m going to go and eat something delicious. So there!


Permission was granted to reprint Facebook post

Image quote (c) Garry Crystal

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About the Author:

Garry Crystal is a freelance writer living in the UK. His short stories and articles have appeared in print and online including Expats Post, The Andirondack Review, Turnrow Journal, Roadside Fiction and Orato. His first book Leaving London is available on Amazon and other retailers now. View My Profile

  • Larry Conley

    Shame and blame have no place in sensible and sound discussions. The only people who deserve blame are people who abuse power -- either actual or social -- to belittle and demean others. Such people are likely incapable of feeling ashamed because their ethical compass is badly broken. Body shaming is the worst form of covert aggression routinely deployed and often against women. As a male and an enthusiastic admirer of the female form I say to “dear old dad” knock it the phuck off! As to others, take the hint!

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    • garry crystal

      “Such people are likely incapable of feeling ashamed because their ethical compass is badly broken”

      You’re spot on there Larry. Thanks.

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