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Author Archive: Melody J Haislip

Born in a small, Illinois log cabin. No, that won't work. The pampered only child of incredibly wealthy parents. No, that doesn't fly either. Raised by French nuns after her aristocratic parents were beheaded. No, that's been done! An East Coast transplant to the Pacific Northwest, this notoriously late bloomer began her new life with a new career as a writer and blogger. She has taken to both the new location and the career move like a duck to water. Writing for Expats Post is a new adventure, and our intrepid risk-taker is diving in, feeling right at home with so many old friends.
Reached for comment she replied, "Okay, I wrote my bio, may I Please go out and play?"
We expect great, or perhaps merely more coherent, things from this writer. (Okay, that's a wrap. What a wacko!)

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What To Do When You’re Blue

What To Do When You’re Blue

Here are some of the things I do when I’m feeling down: (1) Jump up and down and scream into a pillow (the pillow part is Very important) (2) Draw mustaches and horns on the faces of politicians (sometimes it’s hard to get them to hold still) (3) Call your local tobacconist and ask if […]

From Gethsemane to Guantanamo

From Gethsemane to Guantanamo

Recently I saw an article in the newspaper, on Page A19, beneath the fold. Intrigued by the headline, I began to read, and soon my attention was totally riveted. The print article was short, but there was a link to the paper’s online edition which elaborated on the tale. The story that captured my attention […]

Twenty-Five Things About Me

Twenty-Five Things About Me

• I used to be 5’2” but I’ve lost an inch (and don’t know where it went) • There is No truth to the rumor about my affair with George Clooney (if you ask him, he’ll say the same) • I’m ineligible to ride a Unicorn (if they ever find one) • I’ve been to […]

Now That’s Shameless Self-Promotion

Now That’s Shameless Self-Promotion

I have been asked, nay begged, by some of my adoring fans, to give you an example of how I have grown as a blogger, since September 5, 2009, a day which will inevitably find its way into the history books. Looking back at the phosphorescent trail of my ascent, I too am rather astounded […]

Cutting the Ties That Bind

Cutting the Ties That Bind

Recently I did a balance transfer to escape my old credit card company. This is the text of my chat with an Account Specialist. It was like breaking up with the guy who doesn’t want to believe it. Hi and welcome to our Credit Monsters chat service! One of our Account Specialists will be right […]

By September 21, 2014 9 Comments Read More →
Stay Out of the Attic, Too!

Stay Out of the Attic, Too!

In my recent hard-hitting article, “Don’t Go Down in the Basement!” I enumerated the many and varied ways the human mind and body have of warning us of imminent danger. Little did I know that my words would arouse a groundswell of comment and debate (check the chat rooms, people). The most common argument was, […]

By September 19, 2014 6 Comments Read More →
Don’t Go Down in the Basement!

Don’t Go Down in the Basement!

Why do people ignore their inner early-warning system? We are equipped with a sensitive array of detection devices. Our ears can pick up patterns in footsteps that tell us if we are being followed. Wind from the right direction brings our noses the scents of flesh, of sweat and tension and ill intent (with perhaps […]

By September 15, 2014 4 Comments Read More →
Everyone Has A Story

Everyone Has A Story

I’m riding the train ~ Listening unwillingly ~ To overheard slices of Other people’s lives ~ Hearing a painful Private conversation ~ Played out in the Only time he can make His collect phone call ~ I learn against my will ~ That ‘cause of him she’s Out six thousand bucks ~ And her ten […]

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